INT. ZOO — CAFETERIA — DAY

[MATURE]

WALLY the parrot, cafeteria mascot, sits in his cage in front of food stands. NILES the opossum lurks in shadows below, obviously waiting for someone.

WALLY
Tuesday. It’s Tuesday. It’s
Tuesday.

NILES
‘Ey! Ease up on it, uh? Give a
break to it, yeah?

WALLY
Gonna tell jokes. Gonna tell jokes.
…I’ve a new one.

NILES
Yeah?
(giving in, barely listening)
Let’s hear it.

WALLY
Guy goes home to his wife drunk
and armed. What’s he do to her.
Bang.

NILES
(double-taking)
Christ. Wals. Where ya even hear
that?

WALLY
Guy’s smacked in the jewels,
shouts some language: “Nuts.”

NILES
Wals. Come on. They’s ain’t even
jokes. My guys’ll jump ship if they
hears you.

WALLY
Guy’s a necrophiliac. How’s it feel.
Stiff.

NILES
Fuggin’ what even is this.

WALLY
What’s hung more ways than one.
Nigs.

NILES
A’right. Dat’s it. You ain’t seen the
last of us boys. You gonna sully our
spot, you’sa pay for it. ‘N’ I ain’t
the guy gonna make ya pay. Hope
you like Big Mac’s bugs, wise guy,
’cause they ain’t turned off by cages.

Niles huffs off. Wally’d never even notice.

WALLY
Three-letter word for “orgies”: “yes”.
(a beat; another)
Two-letter word for “rape”: “no”.

Advertisements