INT. ZOO — PRIMATE EXHIBIT — DAY

MITCH
Oi, you! Wiffa ginger! Oi!

MITCH the weasel appears, entering the exhibit. MISTER K. the orangutan sits, drawing on the exhibit glass, captivating an audience with condensation. Mitch approaches.

MITCH
You zat soddin’ monkey, you?
One that runs it ‘ere?

MISTER K.
Shh…

Not turning, Mister K. holds a finger up—and another to his lips.

MISTER K.
We have our catch.

He turns to the weasel, a twinkle in his eye, and returns to his drawing, demonstrating. He makes a few more strokes…and it becomes clear he’s drawing The Scream. He’s about halfway now, and the audience is awestruck. Mitch can’t help but watch.

MITCH
(distracted)
Oi, uh… Me’s neighba. Says is
a monkey what runs it. Said is
a ginger—a real tossa. ‘Zat you?

Both watch as the ape draws.

MISTER K.
Do you know what the real
beauty of these animals is?
(a beat)
They always think they’re the
ones doing the watching.
(another)
Here. See this.

The ape raises a finger, makes as if he just remembered something…and signs his name in the corner of the picture, backwards.

MITCH
Wha’s wiff it? Jus’ a mark?

MISTER K.
(with enthusiasm)
A signature! In fact a Hancock,
if I may. Never create an artifact
you’ven’t pride in.

MITCH
So zis a pennin’, is it?

MISTER K.
Precisely.

MITCH
Well bugga me own—seen nuffin’
like. Writes anyfings y’likes, or
juddis here one?

MISTER K.
Ah, a dreamer dreams in color,
does he not? An artist many
strokes?

A twinkle in his eye.

MISTER K.
And what be your clay, my gentle
fellow?

Mitch hesitates, perhaps now embarrassed.

MITCH
Fing is, no means o’ any, ‘as zis
fish ‘ere keeps smackin’ gob. No
eat or sleeps ‘ad for nuffin’—jus’
me keepin’ meselves from guttin’
‘im. Am ’bouts t’blow it!

Mister K. draws. All watch.

MISTER K.
Ah, yes… The tragic comedy that
is neighbors. And alas, one cannot
reason with unreasonables.
(a beat)
A cleverer conundrum concocted
I’ve never felt.

The ape makes his final strokes, admires them, acknowledges his companion.

MISTER K.
Have you considered our unsavory
gentleman may want to provoke
arms? Know the key to any battle’s
to choose the stage.

He begins writing something below the drawing.

MISTER K.
Anything can be effective with
proper context.

He finishes the word, admires it. “Boo!” is written backwards beneath the drawing.

THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE
has vanished, leaving only signs of panicked chaos. Mitch leans in, inspecting the word closer.

MITCH
…‘Zit say?